I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
