dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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