Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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