I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
