its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
