oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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