Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
