I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize