i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Come share oat with me in your robe
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
