She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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