I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
