ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
