I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
