How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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