i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
