dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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