we made out on top of his cat.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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