He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
