im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
