i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
