For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
