I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
