she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
