Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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