Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize