when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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