From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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