I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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