there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
