The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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