I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Randomize
