I could have mohawked her pubes.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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