Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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