Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
