theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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