You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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