Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I need to sanitize my soul.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
