so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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