Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize