i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
In America we eat man semen.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
