I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She bit a glass in half.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
