Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Welp...herpes.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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