I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
