I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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