I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
she pinky promised me she was 18
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I just forgot I was standing up.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
