I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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