I like to think it a success when the cops are called
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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