She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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