Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
