batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
