please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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