i already hear my dad disowning me
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
