$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
