He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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