He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
