giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
