I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
