i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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