I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
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