I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
