Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
