I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
