using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
jump out the window naked night went bad
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