Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
