So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
pop tarts are not kleenex
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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