Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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