Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
