4 words: hood of his car
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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