so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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