I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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