I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
