I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
