My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
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