It's Friday. Sex?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
