im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
