he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
