matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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