i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Too much gin, very little bucket
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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