you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
