That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
