I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
