so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
