We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
