Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
