i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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