I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
