Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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