Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
