she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
they're like a gay fantastic four
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
me + whiskey = a bad person
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
