I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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