it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
