KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
