toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize