someone get that fucking seahorse.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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