His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
