Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I still have a little drunk in my system
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
