How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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