im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Operation Purity has been aborted
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Randomize
