I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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