my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
