he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
