They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
