he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
