found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
