Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
